Weekend jokes - Tile Advice

[cornish_crofter]

Anyone Here


Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.....

Was it a blonde brain cell by any chance? :lol:

 

[user123]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

[cornish_crofter]

A couple were woken in bed by the phone ringing. Husband picks up the phone, then shouts "How would I know? ? It's 200 miles away!" then slams the phone down.

"Who was that?" asks the wife

"I dunno" replies the husband "Some idiot asking if the coast was clear"

 

[user123]

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

 

[user123]

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

 

[Colour Republic]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

[chris.tiling]

10 year old boy turns up late for school. "Sorry I am late... my Dad got burned" he says to the teacher.
"Not badly I hope" she replies
"Well they dont muck about at the crematorium" he says

 

[cornish_crofter]

Pair of jump leads walk into a bar.

Barman says "Now, don't you start anything!"

 

[cornish_crofter]

A Brunette, a redhead and a blonde get stranded in the desert when their car breaks down.

They decide that the best way to ensure their survival is for them to continue their journey on foot. They each decide to take something from the car to better their chances of survival.

A few minutes later, they compare what they have salvaged from the car. The brunette has brought food, in case they get hungry, the redhead has brought water in case they get thirsty, then they look at the blonde, who is still clutching the car door she had unbolted from the car.

"Why did you bring that?" asks the redhead.

"When it gets too hot we can open the window" Replies the blonde

 

[cornish_crofter]

A scotsman, an essex girl and a dinosour walk into a bar.

Barman says, "What's this, some kind of joke?"

 

[user123]

:lol::lol::lol: that blonde joke's really funny...

 

[doug boardley]

how do you cure a scotsman from sea sickness?
Hang him overboard with a penny in his mouth!

 

[doug boardley]

how can you tell when a blonde's been on your pc?
There's tippex on the screen!

 

[doug boardley]

bloke goes to the doctors,
"doctor doctor, I feel like a pig!"
"really" says the dr "how long has this been going on?"
"About a weeeeeeekkkkkk!" says the bloke

 

[White Room]

I've just come out of the chippy eating a large cod and chips when a tramp came up to me and said he had'nt eaten for two weeks, I told him I wished I had his willpower