W
wivers
I got home today and had a note from my Mrs with 2 customers numbers on it wanting estimates.
Now normally my bowl dances the U-bend polka in the morning right after the strong sweet black coffee i drink to wake me up, but today i didn't get a chance to grab one.
This meant that instead of leaving my customer a sausage shaped poop parcel as a pressie this morning i was now at home and ready to mother a 2lb brown baby.
The problem is that although i was in dire need to shed my load, i wanted to do it with a nice clear relaxed mind, you know what i mean lads, just sit back and relax reading the paper yea. So i thought i'd squeeze ringing my customers in beforehand.
I got throught the conversation with the first customer no prolems, just hello, whats the address and see ya on wednesday.
The next customer though wasn't so easy. He wanted to talk about everything from tanking systems to dry lined walls to how much bigger his manhood was in his 20's.........well maybe he didn't want to talk about that, but he may as well of had!!
I was doing my best to give him the answers to all his questions whilst trying to pinch back a turd the size of a hump back whale and it was not easy!
By now my un-enterable tunnel of love was having to with stand pressure that even nuclear submarines are unable to tackle and my eyes were watering like i'd been chopping onions with my teeth for a week.
It was now time to panic, flipper the pant sniffing dolphin was making his final leap and if i didn't get in the bog quick enough he was going to be caught in my pierre cardin trawling net!
I moved to the toilet as quickly as anyone can when their trying to hold back the brown tide, and tried not to show any signs of panic to my customer over the phone who was by now onto the question about how the earth came to be and would Noah have tanked the ark!
I grabbed a bit of toilet paper and threw it down the bog in the hope it would catch the shish scented cigar, but i didn't grab enough and the water just soaked it up in one fowl swoop.
The next thing Mr waffle from waffleington heard must have sounded like a meteorite hitting the atlantic at light speed, and although i tried to hold in the sigh of relief that always follows i failed.
Fair play to the customer though, he asked if i wanted him to call back later as he must have realised i had just shed me skin, but i thought sod it i'm done now and i'm in my favorite relaxing place so i let he continue with his million and one questions.
Another 20 minutes went by before i could wipe me throbbing pile pod, next time i will with out doubt poop first!
Now normally my bowl dances the U-bend polka in the morning right after the strong sweet black coffee i drink to wake me up, but today i didn't get a chance to grab one.
This meant that instead of leaving my customer a sausage shaped poop parcel as a pressie this morning i was now at home and ready to mother a 2lb brown baby.
The problem is that although i was in dire need to shed my load, i wanted to do it with a nice clear relaxed mind, you know what i mean lads, just sit back and relax reading the paper yea. So i thought i'd squeeze ringing my customers in beforehand.
I got throught the conversation with the first customer no prolems, just hello, whats the address and see ya on wednesday.
The next customer though wasn't so easy. He wanted to talk about everything from tanking systems to dry lined walls to how much bigger his manhood was in his 20's.........well maybe he didn't want to talk about that, but he may as well of had!!
I was doing my best to give him the answers to all his questions whilst trying to pinch back a turd the size of a hump back whale and it was not easy!
By now my un-enterable tunnel of love was having to with stand pressure that even nuclear submarines are unable to tackle and my eyes were watering like i'd been chopping onions with my teeth for a week.
It was now time to panic, flipper the pant sniffing dolphin was making his final leap and if i didn't get in the bog quick enough he was going to be caught in my pierre cardin trawling net!
I moved to the toilet as quickly as anyone can when their trying to hold back the brown tide, and tried not to show any signs of panic to my customer over the phone who was by now onto the question about how the earth came to be and would Noah have tanked the ark!
I grabbed a bit of toilet paper and threw it down the bog in the hope it would catch the shish scented cigar, but i didn't grab enough and the water just soaked it up in one fowl swoop.
The next thing Mr waffle from waffleington heard must have sounded like a meteorite hitting the atlantic at light speed, and although i tried to hold in the sigh of relief that always follows i failed.
Fair play to the customer though, he asked if i wanted him to call back later as he must have realised i had just shed me skin, but i thought sod it i'm done now and i'm in my favorite relaxing place so i let he continue with his million and one questions.
Another 20 minutes went by before i could wipe me throbbing pile pod, next time i will with out doubt poop first!
.:lol::lol:
