One -liners

[Diamond Pool Finishers]

i will start .
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah and I thought ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one’...........

 

[John Benton]

Velcro - What a rip off!!!

 

[Time's Ran Out]

A man walked into a bar - ouch!

 

[White Room]

Lobster went to an underwater disco, pulled a muscle!!!

 

[Stef]

2 goldfish in a tank, one says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing"

 

[Peter]

Painters are tradesmen

 

[Diamond Pool Finishers]

Black beauty; he’s a dark horse

 

[John Benton]

2 parrots sat on a perch, one says "can you smell fish?"

 

[Mr Tiler]

Painters are tradesmen

sorry to ruin the run, this is the best one haha. £14 per hour these guys get on the agencies... say no more

 

[Mr Tiler]

they found part of that missing plane, found the wing just looking for the wong (from a painter aswell lol)

 

[John Benton]

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down

 

[Diamond Pool Finishers]

The other day I sat on a hairdryer. That put the wind up me

 

[Peter]

I wanted a personalised registration so I changed my name to H942 TSV

 

[John Benton]

The Inland Revenue - We've got what it takes, to take what you've got!

 

[John Benton]

Went on the holiday of a lifetime last year - never again!

 

[Diamond Pool Finishers]

When it comes to cosmetic surgery, a lot of people turn their noses up

 

[Andy Allen]

what do you call a man with a piece of ham on his head.....mohamhead..

 

[Andy Allen]

what do you call a man in the sea with no arms and legs.......bob

 

[John Benton]

What do you call a man stood between two buildings? Ali.

 

[John Benton]

what do you call a man with a piece of ham on his head.....mohamhead..

What do you call a man with a piece of ham on his head who's good at DIY? Ahmedmashed

 

[Old Mod]

So what if I can't spell Armageddon ....... It's not the end of the world!

 

[Old Mod]

I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger, the closer it gets.........
then it hit me!

 

[Old Mod]

I went to the zoo the other day, it only had one dog in it!
it was a 5hitzu!

 

[Diamond Pool Finishers]

Why couldn't they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was standing on the deck

 

[Diamond Pool Finishers]

whats green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table

 

[The D]

your so fat i swerved to avoid you and ran out of petrol

 

[m3fitter]

' Tiler will get over that '

 

[Diamond Pool Finishers]

LOL you like a kid beano ex fat boy PM me and you can really let -off your steam :welcome:

 

[The D]

what am i not aloud to play ???

 

[m3fitter]

oi ' NOBODY LOVES A FATBOY
BUT OOOOH CAN A FATBOY LOVE '

 

[John Benton]

Conjunctivitis.com - thats a site for sore eyes