Silly joke

[Gazzer]

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.

He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his 'private part' hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said.

'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.

 

[DHTiling]

:lol::lol:

 

[Gazzer]

A English lawyer and a Scotsman are sitting next to each other on a train. The lawyer is thinking that the Scots are so dumb that he could put one over on him easily...So the lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Scot is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only £5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500".
This catches the Scots attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?' The Scot doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five pound note and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's his turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Scot and hands him £500. he happily pockets the £500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Scot up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'
The Scot reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes back to sleep.

 

[Gazzer]

The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.

Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a
bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she
opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother
drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk
the whole glass down to the last drop.

'Mother,' the nuns asked earnestly , 'please give us some wisdom before
you die.'

She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said,
'Don't sell that cow.'

 

[cornish_crofter]

A chap takes a job as a sheep farm worker out in the sticks, miles away from anywhere.

He's getting on great with the job, the lads are a good laugh and he is having the time of his life. The only problem is that he's missing female company.

Being miles away from anywhere, he asks the lads "Where are all the women?" To which they reply "There aren't any mate".

A few days later, after getting more desparate, he plucks up the courage to ask how they manage without women.

"Well, there's plenty of sheep here......" came the reply.

He didn't believe them at all. "No way you're having me on". But they insisted that they were telling the truth.

As the weeks and months passed, he got more and more desparate, and what the lads said seemed more plausible by the day.

So one day he finally cracked. He selected his sheep and........

Soon after all his workmates saw him and started rolling around in fits of laughter.........

YOU B*******DS, YOU TOLD ME THAT'S WHAT YOU ALL DID! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED YOU, YOU COMPLETE B*******DS!

When the laughter eventually subsided, one of his mates said teary eyed "We do, it's just that you happened to choose the ugly one!"

 

[Rad2474]

Is that a joke Crofter? or a passage from your life story? :lol::lol::lol:

 

[doug boardley]

group of ramblers walking over fells, come across a farmer stuck into rear end of a sheep, head rambler says "hello farmer, are you shearing?", farmer says, "Nay lad F*** off and find thee own!"

 

[Gazzer]

Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?















He lay awake at night wondering if there was a Dog!

 

[cornish_crofter]

Is that a joke Crofter? or a passage from your life story? :lol::lol::lol:

Oh, dear I've been rumbled:ninja:

 

[doug boardley]

Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?















He lay awake at night wondering if there was a Dog!

or dyslexic farmer; OIEIE

 

[Fekin]

:lol:

 

[cornish_crofter]

A guy at a bar says to the guy next to him "Want to hear a blonde joke mate?"

The other guy says "You're blind aren't you"

The first chap replies "Yes I am, how did you know?"

2nd guy answers "Well I'm blonde, the barmaids are both blonde, the 6ft 2 inch bloke sitting the other side of you is blonde and so is the bouncer. So that's 5 blondes in hearing distance and you still want to tell your joke?"

1st guy "Nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times."

 

[user123]

Huh, and I suppose it's funny that I posted my jokes in the jokes group...

 

[DHTiling]

These ones..MG..... tilersforums.com | Tile Forums | Tiling Forum - Jokes Group