Joke of the day

[grumpygrouter]

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1]Joke Of The Day:[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1]An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling." To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him." Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him." The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy. He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!" [/SIZE][/FONT]

 

[GazTech]

good one...pmsl


A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken
Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises
slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around
before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she
asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He
reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes
looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the
waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah! So solly," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"

 

[Fekin]

:lol:

Good ones

 

[CLAYS TILES]

oh dear! you two need slapping for bringing them TERRIBLE jokes here!
pmsl thou!:hurray:

 

[enduro]

Very funny :lol:

 

[brian c]

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thats good all of my buttons work on my computer soory if i disturbed you.:yawn:

 

[grumpygrouter]

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thats good all of my buttons work on my computer soory if i disturbed you.:yawn:

You checked out the retrun key a few times tho' Bri!:yes:

Grumpy

 

[brian c]

pmsl ,Russ m8

 

[Fekin]

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thats good all of my buttons work on my computer soory if i disturbed you.:yawn:

wow, you have a z1 key on your board :lol:

 

[GazTech]

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thats good all of my buttons work on my computer soory if i disturbed you.:yawn:

and still not replaced the ££££££££££££££££££££ yet pmsl:lol:

 

[Gazzer]

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar. The Bar man says "is this some kind of a joke?"

 

[GazTech]

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar. The Bar man says "is this some kind of a joke?"

pmsl Neale....faf.....lol

 

[Gazzer]

A Zoo Keeper starts his new job at the zoo and is
given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As
he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To
show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realising his employer won't be best pleased he
disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as
lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the
Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt
him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a
spade killing them both. What can he do?

Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because
lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the
lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect
honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he
starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the
spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he
knows what to do and throws them! into the lions
cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He
wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food
like here?"

The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had
Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."

 

[grumpygrouter]

A Zoo Keeper starts his new job at the zoo and is
given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As
he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To
show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realising his employer won't be best pleased he
disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as
lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the
Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt
him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a
spade killing them both. What can he do?

Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because
lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the
lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect
honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he
starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the
spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he
knows what to do and throws them! into the lions
cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He
wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food
like here?"

The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had
Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."

PMSL

Grumpy

 

[GazTech]

Gervase has a seafood restaurant, he accepts as he does every morning fresh produce ,and among the catch is a green squid with a moustache. The squid is placed in a tank with the rest for customers to choose their meal. That evening, a customer chooses said squid and Gervase takes it to the kitchen to kill and prepare with his cleaver, as he does it is spitting and swearing and biting in a total frenzy. As he raises his cleaver the squid looks at him with sad eyes and and a sorry whimper,Gervase could not do it. He called for his German washer upper Hans, he also raises the cleaver but hasnt the heart to deal the final blow.
It goes to show ' Hans that does dishes, can be as soft as Gervase, with wild green hairy lip squid'

 

[Fekin]

Oh dear..... that was quite bad

 

[Falcone]

scottishman Englishman Irishman Chineseman jokes....!!! uh oh.... THATS WAISIS!!


lol

 

[Jimmy Boy]

How's this for a joke?

[DLMURL]http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/7204635.stm[/DLMURL]

How about 'Three Little Cowboy Builders' offending builders. pmsl

 

[grumpygrouter]

Gervase has a seafood restaurant, he accepts as he does every morning fresh produce ,and among the catch is a green squid with a moustache. The squid is placed in a tank with the rest for customers to choose their meal. That evening, a customer chooses said squid and Gervase takes it to the kitchen to kill and prepare with his cleaver, as he does it is spitting and swearing and biting in a total frenzy. As he raises his cleaver the squid looks at him with sad eyes and and a sorry whimper,Gervase could not do it. He called for his German washer upper Hans, he also raises the cleaver but hasnt the heart to deal the final blow.
It goes to show ' Hans that does dishes, can be as soft as Gervase, with wild green hairy lip squid'

LOL, that has to be one of the worst I have ever read/heard!:yes:

Grumpy

 

[GazTech]

Pretty soon we will not be able to speak...for fear of offending mutes !!

 

[grumpygrouter]

Pretty soon we will not be able to speak...for fear of offending mutes !!

Got to agree Gaz mate. I thought the whole essence of comedy was making light of the world around you. If people can't see when something is meant to be a joke then the world is becoming a very sad place. If you want to offend people you do it in a straight forward way by giving out an insult.

Comedy is comedy! Whether someone finds the gag/joke/comedy funny or not is a different matter but, in my opinion, it is JUST A JOKE!

Grumpy

 

[Jimmy Boy]

Pretty soon we will not be able to speak...for fear of offending mutes !!

So therefore :

Old Mother Hubbard - offensive to people who are on the dole or live in Preston.

Wee Willy Winkie - Offensive to Dwarves.

Ding Dong Bell - Animal Cruelty.

Georgie Porgie - Offensive to Obese and Homosexuals.

Goosey Goosey Gander - Violence to old people.

The Grand Old Duke Of York - Promotes a class system and armies for war.

I Love Little ***** - Offensive to women who have been round the block.

Jack Spratt - Offensive to Fatties and Anorexics.

I'm A Little Tea Pot - Gays again offended.

London Bridge Is Falling Down - promotes Terrorism.

Ride A **** Horse To Banbury Cross - Beastiality.

Simple Simon - offends the retarded.

There was a crooked man - offends Gordon Brown or here in the South Ken Livingstone.

Three Blind Mice - offends the visually impared and promotes animal cruelty.

Why don't we just update a few :

like 'sticks and stones' could become 'guns and knives' ?

But sticks and stones might actually offend people who like to carry out 'honour' killings.

Or what about This Little Piggy Went To Market .... I won't even go there ......

 

[GazTech]

So therefore :

Old Mother Hubbard - offensive to people who are on the dole or live in Preston.

Wee Willy Winkie - Offensive to Dwarves.

Ding Dong Bell - Animal Cruelty.

Georgie Porgie - Offensive to Obese and Homosexuals.

Goosey Goosey Gander - Violence to old people.

The Grand Old Duke Of York - Promotes a class system and armies for war.

I Love Little ***** - Offensive to women who have been round the block.

Jack Spratt - Offensive to Fatties and Anorexics.

I'm A Little Tea Pot - Gays again offended.

London Bridge Is Falling Down - promotes Terrorism.

Ride A **** Horse To Banbury Cross - Beastiality.

Simple Simon - offends the retarded.

There was a crooked man - offends Gordon Brown or here in the South Ken Livingstone.

Three Blind Mice - offends the visually impared and promotes animal cruelty.

Why don't we just update a few :

like 'sticks and stones' could become 'guns and knives' ?

But sticks and stones might actually offend people who like to carry out 'honour' killings.

Or what about This Little Piggy Went To Market .... I won't even go there ......

Thanks Jimmy for the best post so far in 2008....you would make great stand up guy....you had me in stitches.....Gaz

 

[Jimmy Boy]

Could not think of anything for Little Red Riding Hood, other than Russian contraceptive.
:rolleyes4:

 

[GazTech]

Could not think of anything for Little Red Riding Hood, other than Russian contraceptive.
:rolleyes4:

pmsl...v clever

 

[Falcone]

Got to agree Gaz mate. I thought the whole essence of comedy was making light of the world around you. If people can't see when something is meant to be a joke then the world is becoming a very sad place. If you want to offend people you do it in a straight forward way by giving out an insult.

Comedy is comedy! Whether someone finds the gag/joke/comedy funny or not is a different matter but, in my opinion, it is JUST A JOKE!

Grumpy

I'm lost!! I hope my post about it being "waisis" wasnt taken seriously? lol...I was kidding. I posted it coz that little chinese dude in the thumbnail is funny :lol: