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CLAYS TILES
just wondering if anyone has got ant really gooooooooooooood jokes!
i will be back with some later!:confused_smile:
i will be back with some later!:confused_smile:
J O K E S !
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A Red Indian walks to his cheif and says.... "Cheif Sitting Bull, why are our names so long and outragous?" Cheif says "well, when one in our tribe gives birth, the father will walk outside and the first thing he see's in Nature, he'll call his Child...... Why do you ask Two Dogs Shagging?"
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Please Keep Jokes Clean And Only Post Ones That Don't Offend Members.
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Please Keep Jokes Clean And Only Post Ones That Don't Offend Members.
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CLAYS TILES
paddy was telling all his mates about joining the army down the pub, i was in the parachute reg' we was at 30,000 ft, one by one they all jumped out of the plane but i just couldn't do it !
then this big bloke dropped his trousers & he had a 12' penis pointing at me, he said if you dont jump i'll shove this up your a**e!
murphy said did you jump?
paddy replied, only at first when he put it in!!! :wink_smile:
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I Thought More Jokes Would Be On Here!!!
then this big bloke dropped his trousers & he had a 12' penis pointing at me, he said if you dont jump i'll shove this up your a**e!
murphy said did you jump?
paddy replied, only at first when he put it in!!! :wink_smile:
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I Thought More Jokes Would Be On Here!!!
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IvegotsTILE
Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and see's his dad giving his mum one,his dad just laughs,throws a pillow at him and shouts 'get out'.
A little while later Johnnys dad hears a comostion coming from Johnnys room,he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his Gran-Johnny just looks at him and says 'Not so f***ing funny when its your mam is it?'
This joke is a tribute to Wivers who is about to become 'One of them! 'God Bless!
A little while later Johnnys dad hears a comostion coming from Johnnys room,he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his Gran-Johnny just looks at him and says 'Not so f***ing funny when its your mam is it?'
This joke is a tribute to Wivers who is about to become 'One of them! 'God Bless!
B
brian c
Boy asks his Gran,have you seen my pills,they are labelled 'LSD'?
Gran says-never mind the pills,have you seen the big green dragons in the kitchen?
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paddy & mick are walking home from the pub,walking past the buas gaRAGE THEY DECIDE THEY ARE GOING TO STEAL A BUS because paddy cant be bothered walking.Mick keeping a watchful eye wonders whats keeping Paddy after 20 minutes,so pops his head in and asks him whats keepingf you?tToo which Mick replies 'i cant find a number 7","you forking eejit says Paddy just get a number 8 and we can walk from the roundabout."
Gran says-never mind the pills,have you seen the big green dragons in the kitchen?
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paddy & mick are walking home from the pub,walking past the buas gaRAGE THEY DECIDE THEY ARE GOING TO STEAL A BUS because paddy cant be bothered walking.Mick keeping a watchful eye wonders whats keeping Paddy after 20 minutes,so pops his head in and asks him whats keepingf you?tToo which Mick replies 'i cant find a number 7","you forking eejit says Paddy just get a number 8 and we can walk from the roundabout."
D
devonmark
a donkey in a field falls down a well...upon seeing this a chicken grabs a rope ties it to the farmers bmw and drags the donkey out....a couple of days later the chicken falls down the well...the donkey saw this happen and ran over to the well, he stood over the well and lowered his d*&k down and pulled the chicken out..
the moral of this story is...if your'e hung like a donkey you don't need a bmw to pull a chick..
now where's my nearest bmw dealer..?
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two irishman go for an interview for a job...mick gets called in first, the interviewer says "give me a sentence with the words donkey jacket in it" mick thinks carefully then says " i've got a donkey jacket and i wear it when it's cold" the interviewer tells him he's got the job.
on his way out he says to paddy "tell him you've got a donkey jacket and he'll give you a job"
paddy goes in and the interviewer says to him "give me a sentence with the word fascinate in it"
so paddy thinks and says "i've got a donkey jacket"
interviewer says "no..i want a sentence with the word fascinate in it"
paddy says again " i've got a donkey jacket"
interviewer starts to get impatient and shout "GIVE ME A SENTENCE WITH THE WORD FASCINATE IN IT"
paddy thinks and says " i've got a donkey jacket, it's got 9 buttons but i can only fasten 8"
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nothin better to do as it was an early finish
the moral of this story is...if your'e hung like a donkey you don't need a bmw to pull a chick..
now where's my nearest bmw dealer..?
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two irishman go for an interview for a job...mick gets called in first, the interviewer says "give me a sentence with the words donkey jacket in it" mick thinks carefully then says " i've got a donkey jacket and i wear it when it's cold" the interviewer tells him he's got the job.
on his way out he says to paddy "tell him you've got a donkey jacket and he'll give you a job"
paddy goes in and the interviewer says to him "give me a sentence with the word fascinate in it"
so paddy thinks and says "i've got a donkey jacket"
interviewer says "no..i want a sentence with the word fascinate in it"
paddy says again " i've got a donkey jacket"
interviewer starts to get impatient and shout "GIVE ME A SENTENCE WITH THE WORD FASCINATE IN IT"
paddy thinks and says " i've got a donkey jacket, it's got 9 buttons but i can only fasten 8"
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nothin better to do as it was an early finish
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CLAYS TILES
good ones boys!:laugh:
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Ric
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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devonmark
Simon goes on stars in their eyes, Mathew Kelly notices he's in a wheelchair, he says "what happened ?"
Simon replies " I was in a car crash with my uncle, he died and I had my legs amputated but, they saved my uncles legs and grafted them onto me, and in 6 months time I will be able to walk again".
"Amazing" says Matthew "who are you going to be tonight ?"
Simon says "tonight Matthew, I'm going to Simon & Halfuncle"
Simon replies " I was in a car crash with my uncle, he died and I had my legs amputated but, they saved my uncles legs and grafted them onto me, and in 6 months time I will be able to walk again".
"Amazing" says Matthew "who are you going to be tonight ?"
Simon says "tonight Matthew, I'm going to Simon & Halfuncle"
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CLAYS TILES
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devonmark
A little old lady answered a knock on the door to be met by a vacuum cleaner salesman. "F*"k off" she said.
Next thing he tips a bucket of horse sh*t on her hallway carpet and says "if this vacuum cleaner doesn't remove all traces of this horse sh*t I will eat the remainder".
"Well" she says "I hope your f*&kin hungry, because the electricity was cut off this morning !"
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two men are at the airport, first man says "I can't find my wife"
second man say "I can't find mine either ! what does yours look like ?"
first man says "she's 6ft tall, blonde, big t*ts, long legs, mini skirt, stockings, high heels and a boob tube, what does your look like ?"
second man says "F*&k her, we'll look for yours !".
Next thing he tips a bucket of horse sh*t on her hallway carpet and says "if this vacuum cleaner doesn't remove all traces of this horse sh*t I will eat the remainder".
"Well" she says "I hope your f*&kin hungry, because the electricity was cut off this morning !"
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two men are at the airport, first man says "I can't find my wife"
second man say "I can't find mine either ! what does yours look like ?"
first man says "she's 6ft tall, blonde, big t*ts, long legs, mini skirt, stockings, high heels and a boob tube, what does your look like ?"
second man says "F*&k her, we'll look for yours !".
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CLAYS TILES
Sexual Olympics
A man went over to his girl's place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom -- gold, silver, or bronze.
"Silver," she said. "Why not gold?" "Because I want you to come second for once!"
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A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S *** SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S *** OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ***. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS *** FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.
:sad_smile:
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A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15
years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds young couple in bed He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.
"Silver," she said. "Why not gold?" "Because I want you to come second for once!"
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A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S *** SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S *** OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ***. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS *** FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.
:sad_smile:
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.............................................................................................................................
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15
years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds young couple in bed He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.
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Eddie
Wife gets naked & asks hubby: what turns u on more, my pretty face or my sexy body? Hubby looks her up & down & replies: you're f!!king sense of humour!
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Shuntstick
Two guys on an airplane sitting across the aisle from each other both have got black eyes.
One guy say's "How'd you get the shiner"
Other guy say's "I was at the check-in looking at the big breasted girl on the desk. I mean't to say "a ticket to Pittsburg" but I blurted out a "A picket to tittsburg please" she was not happy.
First guy say's "That's exactly the same as me, I was sitting at the breakfast table this morning, looking at my wife's wholesome backside, and instead of asking for Jam on my toast I blurted out "You've totally ruined my life you ugly f***ing *****"
One guy say's "How'd you get the shiner"
Other guy say's "I was at the check-in looking at the big breasted girl on the desk. I mean't to say "a ticket to Pittsburg" but I blurted out a "A picket to tittsburg please" she was not happy.
First guy say's "That's exactly the same as me, I was sitting at the breakfast table this morning, looking at my wife's wholesome backside, and instead of asking for Jam on my toast I blurted out "You've totally ruined my life you ugly f***ing *****"
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CLAYS TILES
eddy you liked that joke so much you posted it twice!!!!🙂
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Eddie
Yes, i know , i couldnt find the first one so i posted it again. Doh:happy:
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a man staggers into hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a 5 iron wrapped around his throat. Doctor asked, what happened to you? Well i was playing golf with my wife,when we sliced our golf balls into a field of cows.I found one stuck in a cows fa**y, i yelled to my wife, this looks like yours. i dont remember much after that
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a man staggers into hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a 5 iron wrapped around his throat. Doctor asked, what happened to you? Well i was playing golf with my wife,when we sliced our golf balls into a field of cows.I found one stuck in a cows fa**y, i yelled to my wife, this looks like yours. i dont remember much after that
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yrag1964
if I won the lottery I would buy a race horse and call it "MY FACE" just think when it was running down the home straight and all the women are shouting "COME ON MY FACE"
Paddy gets killed in a fire and his body is so badly burned it is unrecognisable , his two mates seamus and patrick said they would identify if it is him, the first one walks in, turns the body over and says that is'nt him, the second one walks in and turns the body over and says no thats not him, the doctor asks them why they knew it was not him, seamus replies "cos whenever we go anywhere the people always say Oh here comes Paddy with the two arse holes"
Paddy gets killed in a fire and his body is so badly burned it is unrecognisable , his two mates seamus and patrick said they would identify if it is him, the first one walks in, turns the body over and says that is'nt him, the second one walks in and turns the body over and says no thats not him, the doctor asks them why they knew it was not him, seamus replies "cos whenever we go anywhere the people always say Oh here comes Paddy with the two arse holes"
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Yorkie
two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other "Can you smell fish?"
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Yorkie
lol A man walks into a pub with a bull frog on his head the barman says
"what the bloody hell happened here mate" to which the bullfrog replied " well it all started with a small wart on my arse"
"what the bloody hell happened here mate" to which the bullfrog replied " well it all started with a small wart on my arse"
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DHTiling
sinner in confesion box...
forgive me father coz i have sinned.
1. i **********
2. i shag lots
3. i shag dogs
4.i luv dildo's up my bum.
Priest say's is that you kenny.( DiamondTraining )...lol lol.......dave..
forgive me father coz i have sinned.
1. i **********
2. i shag lots
3. i shag dogs
4.i luv dildo's up my bum.
Priest say's is that you kenny.( DiamondTraining )...lol lol.......dave..
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Yorkie
etut tut, I wonder what you edited dave🙂
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DHTiling
soz mate...but couldnt print full joke lol lol.........dave...
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Yorkie
Qusimodo is feeling rather low one morning so he consults his magic mirror
"mirror mirror on the wall who's the ugliest of them all" the mirror replies "who the **** is this dhceramics lo lol
"mirror mirror on the wall who's the ugliest of them all" the mirror replies "who the **** is this dhceramics lo lol
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DHTiling
ones a piece..lol lol...........dave..
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yrag1964
Bloke has a party where everyone comes as an emotion, the first guest turns up painted green with N V written on his chest, I'm green with envy he says, the next guest turns up in a pink body stocking with feathers round her naughty bits, I'm tickled pink she says. next two guests are irish, one with his dick in a bowl of custard and the other with his stuck in a pear! the host is shocked and asks what they have come as, the irishman replies well I'm fu****g discustard and seamus has come in dispear!!!
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