jokes

[advancetiling]

mick walks into paddys barn and catches him dancing naked and masterbating in front of a tractor.
mick says"bloody hell paddy,what you doing?"
paddy replies"well me and mary havent been getting on in the bedroom lately,and the therapist recommended i do something sexy to attractor"

 

[Ian]

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said,
"Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test.
It's called the Triple Filter Test."
'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes
let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say..
The first filter is Truth.
Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it.."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness.
Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes
that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued,
"You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is
neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed.
This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.

 

[jay]

My dearest darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about
the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry
too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a
halt when it bumped into your Ferrari ( I'm sure you can buff the scratch
out, you're so clever). Lucky I missed my scooter as you know I hate the
Pick-up, Its so big and heavy.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me.
You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife. ***
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