W
wivers
Been very busy today at work, so busy infact that i din't get the chance to have my morning number 2.
Through out the day every time i tried to nip off to drop me cargo something else came up and i had to hold it in.
By about 6 i felt like i was 8 months up the duff and me waters had broken.
I waddled towards the bog like a virgin shirt lifter who'd just lost his cherry.
Now the toilet in this place is like something from Shawshank, it has no heating not windows and today it had no light bulb, so as soon as i got through the door i was like stevie wonder on acid.
I had started to drop me strides before i got through the door so i was now frantically trying to feel my way to the poo pan with me ankles in a tangle.
I managed to find the door to trap 1 and postioned myself over where i thought the pan would be situated, and lucky enough my calculations were correct.....unfortunatly some ******* had left the seat up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats right there i was about to unload the biggest turd since Mrs Cole gave birth, and i had fallen brown onion first into the sodding crapper, and whats more coz i have put a few pounds of cake on me poxy arse cheeks had wedged in the damn thing.
There i was in the smelly dark dirt box, dangling out of the bog like an upturned crab.
I made a lunge for the toilet roll holder to try and pull meself up but the thing came off in me hand, and guess what ...thats right the damn tissue fell on the floor and rolled under the door!!
I was starting to panic at the fact my nuts were almost touching water. Not wanting to call out for help and risk looking stupid i did something even more stupid..... i made a grab for the toilet chain that i could just make out dangling above me!!!!
Thats right the thing flushed with me arse still wedged in it and i became the first person to wash their arse before they lay the bricks.
I finally managed to pull myself free and then had to feel about on the floor outside to find the bog roll which just my luck had rolled into the biggest puddle since Dr Gloucester went missing, and was soaked through.
It took ages to clean myself up.... now i see why woman moan.
Through out the day every time i tried to nip off to drop me cargo something else came up and i had to hold it in.
By about 6 i felt like i was 8 months up the duff and me waters had broken.
I waddled towards the bog like a virgin shirt lifter who'd just lost his cherry.
Now the toilet in this place is like something from Shawshank, it has no heating not windows and today it had no light bulb, so as soon as i got through the door i was like stevie wonder on acid.
I had started to drop me strides before i got through the door so i was now frantically trying to feel my way to the poo pan with me ankles in a tangle.
I managed to find the door to trap 1 and postioned myself over where i thought the pan would be situated, and lucky enough my calculations were correct.....unfortunatly some ******* had left the seat up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats right there i was about to unload the biggest turd since Mrs Cole gave birth, and i had fallen brown onion first into the sodding crapper, and whats more coz i have put a few pounds of cake on me poxy arse cheeks had wedged in the damn thing.
There i was in the smelly dark dirt box, dangling out of the bog like an upturned crab.
I made a lunge for the toilet roll holder to try and pull meself up but the thing came off in me hand, and guess what ...thats right the damn tissue fell on the floor and rolled under the door!!
I was starting to panic at the fact my nuts were almost touching water. Not wanting to call out for help and risk looking stupid i did something even more stupid..... i made a grab for the toilet chain that i could just make out dangling above me!!!!
Thats right the thing flushed with me arse still wedged in it and i became the first person to wash their arse before they lay the bricks.
I finally managed to pull myself free and then had to feel about on the floor outside to find the bog roll which just my luck had rolled into the biggest puddle since Dr Gloucester went missing, and was soaked through.
It took ages to clean myself up.... now i see why woman moan.
