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Snow is like a Willy, it's measured in inches, is soft to the touch, cums when you least expect it and it never gets as deep as you'd like it.
Driving in the snow is like eating *****.... If you dont slow down and pay attention you could slide into the asshole infront of you.
BE CAREFUL THIS WINTER
 
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said,

"I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'' "Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way, "What about all these biscuit purchases. What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?''

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick"
 
I was sat on the bus this morning when I noticed a beautiful young woman sitting next to me who was reading a book entitled " Strange but true sexual facts"
"Interesting ?" I remarked.
"yes" she replied, for instance, did you know the American red Indian has the longest penis in the world and an Irishman has the thickest? Oh im sorry she contiuned my names Helen and yours is?

"Tonto O'Riley!!!" I replied.
 
young american indian talking to his dad , daddy how do we get our names , well when i was born my daddy picked me up, and the 1st thing he saw was a running bear my hence my name running bear , and when your brother i held him up and the 1st thing i saw was a golden eagle , hence his name golden eagle
anyway why do you ask two dogs ****ing
 
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.........."


"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella " Mississippi '."

I BET YOU WILL READ THIS AGAIN!!!
 
The Egyptian government have come up with a plan to stop the riots in Cairo.

They've told their people to get in their cars, honk the horn and chill out.

They're calling it "Toot-n-Kalm-Doon"
 

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